“When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny.”
― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym
For me Breast cancer or rather getting rid of the 'bastard' breast cancer was the most enormous challenge I have had to face in my life, but here I am a year later having fought and won that particular battle within the overall war!
I decided to to women v cancer ride the night at the very start of my diagnosis, it seemed like a good idea, a way of sharing with my friends and family that I was through the worst and out the other side. it was in my own way me shouting from the roof tops F**k Off 'Bastard Cancer, you didn't get me!
The ride is this Saturday 31st of May, that's in two days time and now let me tell you I feel WHAT THE F**K WAS I THINKING!
100km (62 miles)
In the middles of the Night
In LONDON
Now I think AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Seriously I am just dreading it in terms of the physical drain on my already tired and achy body but in terms of what it will represent it is the pivotal point to a very hard year so I am going to ride like the wind and do my very, very best and hope that I will do everyone who has sponsored me proud.
Jo is doing it with me and we must not forget what a shit year it has been for her as my caring supportive sister. There have been times when I have been a cow this last year and typical Jo she has taken it all in her stride. I know when we cross the finishing line or maybe even before there will be many tears that flow with the relief of the past year being over and the dawn of a new day. A day where I get my life back and get my show back on the road!
I go into hospital next Friday for the start of reconstruction which firstly will be a reduction of my remaining breast. Can't wait!
So thanks for all the sponsorship and support and we will speak again real soon
love Wendy x
My Journey - Of kicking the ass out of my bastard cancer! Diagnosed June 2013 with Inflammatory Breast Cancer. Its not going to beat me, does it really know who it is dealing with! I think not......
Thursday 29 May 2014
Friday 11 April 2014
Because I'm happy - Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof!
- I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer - June 2013
- 8 Rounds of Chemo
- Radical Mastectomy & full lymph node removal
- 15 Rounds of daily Radiotherapy
- My Last treatment - 27th March 2014
- Thank-you so much for all your support
- Whoop whoop!
So there it
is, my last treatment ridding me of my ‘Bastard Cancer’, I feel as though I have been a hamster in a cage
on one of those wheels with everyone gazing in.
Don’t get me wrong it was my decision to write a blog, I wanted to
educate other women to check themselves and catch potential problems early and also
help people understand what it feels like to be diagnosed with breast cancer.
Truth
be known I also wanted it to be cathartic an expression of my emotions as I was
feeling them that I could look back on and see my own journey as often when you
are living it you are just going through the motions.
Today, I
feel mixed emotions, really relieved and proud that I have come out the other
end after the longest of nine months of my life but really scared that after all
that I am not cocooned in the safety of treatment and having to go back to the
reality of life, I don’t want to live my life scared and waiting for the cancer
to return so after discussion with Joanne we have decided that the best way to
tackle it is to think of the last 9 months as wiping the slate clean and
therefore, I, like the next person may end up with another cancer or not.
So what did I learn?
- · I learned that I could not have done this without my sister Joanne who has been my rock and is the best sister anyone could wish for
- · I learned what amazing family & friends I have are near and far, new and old who have supported me through the last 9 months and I can’t thank you enough with your kind words and encouragement
- · I learned that I have an amazing network of people on line through my blog and face-book who have really supported me in my hour of need and I have really appreciated it
- · I learned that there are many different types of breast cancer, I never knew this before and that one out of every eight women are diagnosed, this means that most of you will have someone in your immediate family or friends who will get it and if my blog makes all women check themselves then I will consider that it has worked
- · I learned that the type of breast cancer I have which is invasive inflammatory breast cancer is quite rare only affecting 5% of the above
- · I learned that I there are four contributory factors in the type of breast cancer I have, these are;
o
too much Oestrogen produced, I will be on a
drug called Anastrozole which will inhibit this
o
too
much sugar intake (I practically lived on latte and cake) which lead to;
o
too
much weight gain common to women who get inflammatory breast cancer
o
Too
much stress – I had a difficult job and don’t get me wrong I loved it but there
was too much travel, too much stress and mess and I know this is no good for your
health (money means nothing – you cannot put a price on health)
- · I learned that chemo therapy is as crap as they say, you can’t describe it unless you have gone through it
- · I learned that chemo therapy turned me into a monster due to the steroids and I apologise profusely to my sister who bore the brunt of it!
- · I learned that despite me keeping most of my hair, my bloated face, my loss of eyelashes and the two stone I put on because of the steroids, that this made me feel more sad than ever and I am a little ashamed to be so vain but the eyelashes have grown back, the bloated face has nearly gone and I am craving a bit of glamour in my life and if that sounds shallow well hey I will live with that!
- · I learned that having a mastectomy is actually not so bad but being lob-sided is and I can’t wait for my reconstruction/reduction
- · I learned that I am very creative in terms of the use of the many lovely scarves I have accumulated in the past couple of months
- · I learned that radiotherapy is a bloody doddle compared to chemo a bit like getting lightly burned in the sun
- · I learned not to eat too many sticks of celery (see previous blog!)
- · I learned that I can laugh in the face of adversity
- · I learned that I am a strong woman, and that I have an inner strength I didn't know I had, and to coin a phrase ‘you can break down a woman temporarily, but a real woman will pick up the pieces, re-build herself and come back stronger than ever!’ - I like to think I am a real woman!
So what’s next?
Once
my body has healed from the mastectomy and radiotherapy I will have the next
phase of reduction which will be in June and reconstruction which will be towards
the end of the year so it’s a long, process.
I
did ask did I choose a new pair of boobs from a book like when you chose a new
hairstyle but I don’t think it works quite like that! I will be grateful for
whatever they can do.
Over
the next few weeks I am going to be in training for my charity bike ride, women
v cancer - ride the night, which let me tell you I would have found difficult
before the last 9 months so I know it is going to be challenging picking myself
up and starting to train, however, I really feel that when I cross that finish
line, however long it takes it will be
the final kick of ridding myself of this evil disease and I will be doing it
for women just like me. I know it is going to be so emotional but it will be an
amazing night of shared experience riding with an amazing group of women the
most important of which is my sister Jo.
If you could see your way to
sponsoring this I would really appreciate it, thanks to those of you who
already have.
I
am losing weight with Slimming World and my group leader Debbie Wilson is
collecting for my bike ride which I am really grateful for, I have to say I am
really enjoying the diet and have already lost 26llb through the support of the
group.
For now though I
am going to book in for a long awaited bit of pampering starting with a facial.
Talking
of which:
'A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong it is
until it's in hot water.'
— Eleanor Roosevelt
I
will end with an uplifting playlist which I will be dancing around my kitchen
to this weekend with Jo and the sausages hope you will be dancing with us…..
Kelly
Clarkson - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I
Pharrell Williams – Happy - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MgHGjM4GnE4
Roxy Music - Dance away - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMSeOFyskRk
Rudimental - "Not Giving In" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9-Lwpgfd1E
Sunday 9 March 2014
Brave, Strong, Smart
Promise me you'll always
remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and
smarter than you think. (Christopher Robin to Pooh – A.A.Milne)
The most difficult
one to write yet
Firstly let me start with an apology that it has taken me so
long to write my update after the end of my chemo which finished on December 6th. I then had to face the start of stage two my
mastectomy. I don’t really know why I
have put off writing my blog, well perhaps I do that’s a fib, I just did not
feel like bearing my feelings and a lot has happened. Get yourself a cup of tea it’s going to be a
long blog!
Let me start with New Year’s Eve; I have never liked it and
for a person who is generally upbeat most of the time I turn into the most melancholy
miserable and quite frankly annoying person to be around. (Just ask Jo!) It makes me sad, I know not why but it does, I
always end up having a good cry and reflect the ‘what might have been’s’ that
have happened during the year. This
year, as you already know has been the most challenging yet for me. ‘Bastard Cancer’ diagnosed in June, followed
by my company going into administration in August, yep, as years go 2013
(unlucky for some!) was diabolical and this was going to be a NY’s eve that my ‘one
night only’ of melancholy was really going for gigantic proportions with the
aim to wipe out the old with a good weep and welcome in the new and the thought
of finishing my treatment and resuming some normality into my life and let me
tell you it was appealing.
Joanne and I had booked in for afternoon tea at a posh
tearoom (we really know how to live !) Unfortunately when I woke up on NY eve I had
a temperature of nearly 40 degrees and my cancer breast was bright red and
clearly something was not right. Turns out I had an infection on top of the
cancer in my breast and was told that there was no way they could operate and
do my mastectomy the first week in January as it was too risky.
Now when you have gone through 8 rounds of chemo and you
feel as weak and sick as a kitten and you have come to the end of it knowing
you have to gain quick strength for your operation you really have to pull out
all of the stops to carry on regardless.
The end is in sight, you want the ‘bastard cancer’ to be cut out of you
and so to be told that it cannot be done due to an infection is
heartbreaking. Your worst fears of the
cancer spreading take over and you become paranoid with every ache, pain or
itch. My consultant finally gave the go ahead
for the mastectomy at the end of January but gave me the news that they where
no long prepared to do the reduction of my other breast and put the tissue
expander in preparedness for the reconstruction and that the main priority was
for the them to get the ‘bastard cancer’ out. This
was because they felt that my weight, coupled with the recent infection meant I
would be under for too long and they felt this would be too risky for a 51
years old heavy woman. Seemed sensible but secretly I was devastated.
So, four weeks ago I
had my mastectomy, all of the medical staff in the park hospital, including my
consultant Mr Ali Jahan were amazed that I was up and doing lap rounds of the
ward so quickly and that my healing process went as it should. I have developed a seroma which is quite
common Seroma (The Science
Bit)
http://www.breastcancercare.org.uk/breast-cancer-information/treating-breast-cancer/surgery/after%C2%A0surgery
Many people who have had breast cancer surgery or
lymph node removal develop a collection of fluid called a seroma. This can
either be under the arm and/or in the breast or chest wall. The build up of
fluid may cause some discomfort, but is not a cause for concern and is usually
reabsorbed by the body over time.
If the seroma is large, restricts arm movement,
causes discomfort or doesn’t subside, your specialist or breast care nurse may
decide to draw off (aspirate) the fluid using a needle and syringe. This
is usually a painless procedure as the area around the wound is still likely to
be numb.
Sometimes a seroma will refill after it has been
aspirated. Some people may need to be aspirated several times over a period of
weeks before it goes away completely. This can be a frustrating experience.
My take on it!
My consultant told me the record in his hospital is 1000ml
(A litre), I have been aspirated now each week and the average he has taken out
has been 450ml, told him we need to go for the record as I am competitive but
he is having none of it!)
Honesty
is the first chapter in the book of wisdom: (Thomas Jefferson)
For those of you who know me, you will understand that for
the most part I am strong, I am resilient, I like to work my way around
problems or knock walls down. However,
what I did not bargain for was how low I feel about my body image which was the
very last thing I thought I would feel.
I have always carried weight, it has never really bothered me the way it
affects other women, I don’t know why I just thought sod it and only the health
side of carrying weight made me at least try off and on to diet. I was rubbish at dieting, still am! I therefore did not bank on feeling distraught
at the lack of symmetry, the lopsidedness and the sheer pain of trying to cover
up. What makes it worse is that mastectomy
bra’s which tend to fasten at the front and have a pocket to hold prosthesis in
only go up to a certain cup size as they assume that you have already had a
reduction in your other breast. If you
wear an ordinary bra it rises up so you end up with lobsided breasts which
although we have laughed at to start with really does cause misery and sadness
and makes you feel unwomanly.
During these
past few weeks it has really made me introvert and a little withdrawn and
although I do still go out I cover myself artistically with elaborately tied scarf’s
and wraps but as the warmer weather beckons I really do not know what I will
do. I am not scheduled to have my reduction for a
while yet.
Ironically I don’t mind my mastectomy scar, It’s my battle
wound and I am proud that I have come through it so well. It’s my remaining breast. Boob’s are plural for a reason, I am growing to hate it, I can’t describe
really how it affects a woman I will never underestimate the words ‘even’ ‘symetrical’
‘proportioned’ and ‘regular’. It’s strange not having a cleavage, its
strange the way clothes hang.
Now I feel strange, I am numb where my breast was, under my
armpit and down the inside of my arm, I feel alien and uncomfortable and I find
myself putting my hand up to cover myself if I am out and engage in conversation
with people. I have always been
confident but this last few weeks have been harder than I imagined.
BUT and there is
always a BUT
I am alive and kicking, spring is in the air and at this moment about
to start the final stage of treatment radiotherapy tomorrow for three weeks. I am not looking forward to it but everyone
tells me it’s a doddle compared to chemo.
I have also started taking the drug Anastrozole which prohibits estrogen
the hormone that has caused my cancer, I will be on these for five years and
the hot flushes have already started to such a degree I now sleep with a fan on
every night but this will hopefully keep the cancer from metastasis in other
words from forming secondary cancer somewhere else in my body.
They say that it takes at least a year out of your life and
they are not wrong, but hey what’s a year in the grand scheme of things.
At the end of May I am doing another cycle challenge, my
biggest yet in that it’s for 100km throughout the night in London, some might
say ‘Are you Mad?’ to which the answer
undoubtedly is ‘Yes, Yes, I think I might be!
Then again there is a little madness in us all……..
If you are able please check out this site and read the most
powerful, amazing, determined, heartbreaking stories from amazing women who in
the face of adversity are brave, strong and smart. Just like me………
when you see the navigation panel click onto ‘a letter to my body
Love Wendy x
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